Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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