I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
