and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
