Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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