he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
