You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
