This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
