Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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