i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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