a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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