There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
