These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
