I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
