U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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