my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
