Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
