marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
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You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
