When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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