why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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