She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
