Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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