We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i came on her dog
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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