he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
