i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
