Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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