I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
