I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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