So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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