If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
