so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
