this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
