Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
