i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
