i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
