He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
