She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
