i will never coherently bang her
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
