tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
