my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
