Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
