You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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