he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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