dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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