The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
