i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
