Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Randomize
