Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
