I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Randomize
