Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
time to smoke my breakfast
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
