Apparently you make a good broom.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
