I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
