Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
As shirtless as possible
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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