He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
