i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
