need another drink. this is the easiest way
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
