not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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